....lost...

I have been thinking of blogging for a while now...coz there have been so many things happening all around me....and i just cant write on any one of those many incidents...Its like a whole new phase i am not ready to go through...

How do you feel when people just walk up to you and call you ugly...Blv you me...be you a girl or a boy that definitely stings...I mean..i initially thought of naming this post 'turning ugly' ....but then i thought it was more than jus my face ...more than my hugely ugly body...it was about me...the inside of me...which has been turning black for quite a while now....because you suddenly realise how things have changed and you are no more urself...and there s nothin more painful than losing yourself...

When you stand in front of the mirror and look at that ugly self you wonder where has it all gone ? The way you had been this crazy li'll girl doing whatever you want to...dancing on your own tracks....creating your own ways...standing out than fitting in....blvn in urself...smiling ur way out...

......and all that you see in the mirror is like this ridiculous ugly lost soul..searching for air...literally dieing of claustrophobia....losing yourself is indeed a very very painful thing...coz you lose half your life in it...

You start wearing ridiculous dumb clothes which you have never worn...trying to fit in this huge crowd....scared of the monsters in the big city....wanting to run away in you own deep hole....it is very very very difficult specially if you have never been that way !

And eventually there comes a time when you fall on your knees wanting to cry your lungs out ...staring at the deep dead sky and wishing for a star.... you know those wishing stars...coz you suddenly realise you no longer have all that you used to...and living seems so lame...but death is a lame-er option....and you just want to run back from where you had started it all....But just like always life has it...you just cant do that...you just live on with the lost self.....searching for it in every other alley...and badly failing....

...i dont know how much you could relate to this...and if you couldnt...it doesnt really bother me !