.....The other day when i sat on my bed with my 'black diary' under the shining light yellow light of my side table lamp , i turned the crippled , less crippled and fresh pages.....crippled for the times i was angry n crushed the poor pages in my fists , less crippled for the times i cried and my tears kinda disoriented the texture of the smooth pages , and the fresh ones either refer to the days i was happy or i didnt write at all !!
I moved from one page to the other and then the other and the next !! i tried finding a page where your name wasnt scribbled , ridiculously i found none !! i wondered where you really that important that i spent lines after lines , writing about you !! Couldnt really analyse !!
There where pages where i had just written your name a million times , like some chanting machine !! in pages i just scribbled some ridiculous meaningless poetry-kinda lines which in these days no one would care to give an ear to...i wrote them some night , for you..
Somewhere in between there where lines where i told my black diary how much i hated you...how much i disliked you for not loving me back , there where less crippled pages with smudged handwriting explaining myself why i cant just let it go ...Some pages filled with a stupid dream i dreamt about 'us' last night...and i dreamt such dreams quite often..some lines revealing how i always wondered if you care....even now !!!
And there where pages where i wished you just came out of them and kissed me and i would never cry to bed again !!
...but the strangest part was ....nothing ..nothing in those pages where real !!! they where all wishes ...a wish that someday u'll remember i exist !! a wish that somehow you'll care about the way i feel !! and a wish that someday you too will love me back !!!
But then after everything i just thought....will 'us' happen for real or will 'us' forever stay in those crippled , less crippled pages of my black diary and someday be lost forever !!
