There are always ridiculous second thoughts about certain situations and thing in life at times when you can do absolutely nothing about them but just think about it and in all possibilities wish that we had never done it ! But the biggest risk in life is not taking one ! And before you read ahead i warn you that this blogpost might be really random, so do not try to get THE FLOW !
Yes , so back to what i was saying...if there is something i keep thinking about , i mean giving second thoughts about all the time, that has to be my 'coming to Sydney'..There are times i wonder..What did i do , why did i do this ? I mean hellooo...i am 18, am i not supposed to be living a HAPPY life ? Like with friends around, doing what i have always wanted to, and for a change living my dreams. Yes , no wonder Sydney is a beautiful place. But its the people who make you feel about a place, and well , not too fortunately , people around didnt make me feel i could stay back .
Life is so random and so so freaking unpredictable, aint it ? I remember this parent teachers meeting in school. I had always been an average student. My teacher told my mother ,' dont let her study what everyone else does, she is born to be original.' And here i am trying to figure out systems and wires and how the internet works and everything that is not original. I cant even fucking draw anything these days , forget about being creative. You cant be creative if they come and stamp and smother your dreams right in front of you. The last time i had written a story was seven months back, that is in India. Now all i do is open the last page of my not-so-used notebook, start off with a couple of lines, scratch it off , close the notebook and done. Beautiful , aint it ? And trust me , there are people who absolutely love to see me that way !
It is difficult you know, very difficult to be someone who you are not. Very difficult to write java programs when you all you want to do is fill the canvas with colors , but the worst part is when you realise , you are left back with only two colors, grey and more grey.
Yes, no one forced me to come here. I cam here by my own wish. But then how about mixing up some poison in a beautiful apple , made sure it looks redder and tempting and then keep it write in front of you, nice eh ! You thought such things dont happen here, people live their own dreams ? No they dont. They still live other people's wishes.
I dont want to know how a system crashes and i dont want to know how many brackets need to be included in a java program ,just let go.. and let me live my dream. I just want to do something where I know i will be the best in, and not something like a thousand other theories and codes people mug up , things written by someone else. They say there aint enough money in it, i dont want the fucking money dude, i just want to get back to my happy self. Just let me be ME.
I am 18 damn it, i need a HAPPY life, where i can smile and laugh for absolutely no reason , i dont have to watch Russell Peters to laugh. But then you never know how things are gonna be till you are there. A lot like you bite the poisoned apple and you dont know if you are to throw it or swallow it coz the poison is anyway in you.
Burnt dreams....a blog is just so small to hide them...and trust me that is the most painful thing that can happen to you.
"Very difficult to write java programs when you all you want to do is fill the canvas with colors , but the worst part is when you realise , you are left back with only two colors, grey and more grey."
ReplyDeleteNicely penned! Echo the same..