....Just another Blog post !

Its funny how at this point of the night , i remove my quilt off from my tired and not so properly shaped body, kill my not-so-peaceful slumber and sit up in front of my computer to blog !! I suddenly had this sudden urge to analyse life , which probably is not a very good thing to do at 1:08 in the night.

Right now with my results coming out in less than a couple of weeks , i really dont find much of a thing to do all day but watch dumb and not-so-dumb chick flicks , and then sit and just roam around the lonely house like a creepy monster and have raspberry jam with multi-grained bread badly wishing someone somehow would come take me away from this !! I believe i just need to get over this phase of nothing-is-going-wrong. Say for now ,half of what i am writing is not even close to what i want to write !! I mean i just need to do something to myself !!!

Around a couple of months back when i re-joined my dance classes , i felt so i-m-still-alive and i started painting again and possibly things were falling in place and was eventually less rude to people close to me and spoke more to people who wanted to do so and was eventually smiling and just being happy , I stopped cursing myself in front of the mirror and stopped analysing as to how much weight i need to lose in order to make myself acceptable to myself.

It isnt a easy job , it definitely is not !!! I mean its strange how one person can make and break you . Ya i know , your wondering , there she goes back to her same old shitt and melodrama. But that definitely matters . It was my sisters birthday party last week which was great fun and not-so-great-fun for for not so reasonable reasons. I had been waiting for this for months and there it was , i danced again and had a hell of an evening and when i came back i cried myself to sleep !!! Disastrous !!

But anyway , I hope to get rid of this , this weird thing that never leaves me. There is this friend of mine who once said,"i used to be a romantic ...now im just narcissistic and more practical...sydney brings that out in you"..I can so relate to this !!! I feel drained and dry !!! Its difficult u know , coz it so hurts when u lose it, lose all that you believed you ever had ! Its so so difficult.

.....How one single person can make you and break you at the same time !! I wish you knew....I wish you did....